20061018

含糊(二)

6
故此头痛开始
也越来越多
觉也睡的越来越久
精神却越来越
我的挣扎
听不到看不见
自己也发觉

7
为何他们的事一直都关我的事
为何她的事也一直都关着我的事
我如此觉得
为何我选择做我所认为的事时
不做却又觉得是自己的错
明明就不关我的事
为何不管还要觉得痛苦
为何我总要与这些人有牵连

其实只是自己失败
解决不了问题

8
我想做的事
突然间变得不清楚了

变得很可怕
信任始终是一个自杀自残
的武器,无声无息地

9
发觉自己的基本能力都渐失去了
最基本的曾经会的
都不会了
亦或是我从不曾懂事过
从不曾“会”过

10

什么都不会(了?)
什么

20061016

I don't know

3 years. 6 years. And another 6 years.
Not very much of regrets.
Underwent a lot of changes.
And now my following 4 years.

Something that I hoped for
Somewhere that I want to be
When I'm trying hard to get there
I know I do not have the determination
And I wonder
Are these really the things that I wanted?

"Is this the life that you wanted?"
Your question struck into my head

I stretched out my arms, waving frantically
I don't know where to hold
I don't even know where to go

Why didn't I thought about going straight to my dreams
Perhaps I'm never brave enough
But why do I have the courage to stand where I'm standing now

I couldn't see the end to my situation
Perhaps it is not something that could be reached by me
I do not have what it takes
I do not feel the same as everybody else
(who's walking on the same path)

I couldn't fit in.

Or... is it that I haven't fit it?
No. I see the glass as half empty.
Sometimes I don't even know who I am.
As in, I don't know the person that I should be
which is the real me and which is not
I couldn't diferentiate
I don't know

For the first time,
the feeling is so strong, I can feel it almost everytime I breathe
(I feel like an Otome who don't know why did she attend Galderobe in the first place. )

Having too many destinations is not a very good thing
Because you'll get lost in the junctions.
But the only thing I can do is smile :)

20061012

含糊(一)

1
又跟她吵了
离开现场心很难受
难受得眼泪也被出来了

她也很难受吧
我只是不想做我认为是
份外的事

2
为何我总是离不开
中间地带

极端不起来
偏激不起来

3
心理测验结果:
显示作答者幼儿时期曾受过权威式教育。
可能幼时受到长辈严格的教育,多次自己想做某些事却被人禁止的经验。因此有「实现自己的愿望是件不好的事」的潜在心理,
这类人经常会隐藏自己真正所要和所想的事。

4
习惯
责怪自己
可是不责备自己
我真的找不到该负责的人了
都是自己不好
不可以太自私
不可以不负责任
不可以做坏孩子

5
可是我不是个好孩子
也不是个坏孩子
因为坏不起来
也许被铸造成好孩子模型了
只是与我本质相冲
痛苦我不懂怎么脱离这
好孩子的枷锁