20070128
20070124
怪
狼来了的故事没听过么？
生活里没有undo键
做错的事没有办法改对
说错的话没有办法收回
复合的伤口没有办法不留伤痕
剩下的选项只有
接受、补救、后悔、遗憾、叹气
剩下的感觉只有
…
唉、怪。
越长大越发觉自己做错的事还蛮多的。
各种矛盾和感觉参杂起来的时候
我
也不晓该如何形容
穿插在我魂里人、事、物
我词穷脑汁干
就只能觉得
怪。
生活里没有undo键
做错的事没有办法改对
说错的话没有办法收回
复合的伤口没有办法不留伤痕
剩下的选项只有
接受、补救、后悔、遗憾、叹气
剩下的感觉只有
…
唉、怪。
越长大越发觉自己做错的事还蛮多的。
各种矛盾和感觉参杂起来的时候
我
也不晓该如何形容
穿插在我魂里人、事、物
我词穷脑汁干
就只能觉得
怪。
20070116
Reply
(Comment for Sharon's Blog)
Ying, I'm glad that I came over to your blog. I have never know what to talk to you, I've tried to start up a conversation that I wanted, but I always get a feedback that doesn't meet my expectation, and I ran out of ways. I do not understand you, and I'm never good at understanding people.
It is not only you that felt this way. Masks...what are they made for? To hide themselves, it is a self-defence mechanism of everyone. Have you tried putting yourself in our shoes? Don't we feel the same from you?
I felt that you're always untrue to me. I couldn't open your heart if you didn't intend to open up to let me in. I care, but I don't know how to tell you. I'm not as strong, they are a lot of things that I don't know as well. I need someone to be there, at the same line with me, but I do not know how to make this clear to you. I tried talking to you about my problems, I did tried to start a more personal conversation with you, but...either you didnt notice, or you don't want to tell. I'm one who need interactions. If I took the first step, and I didn't see you walking one step forward, I'll give up taking another step to you. It's my nature.
------
I used to do things by myself, but since you're my partner...I really wish I could really get help from you. But I couldn't 'fang xin' everytime to let you do your part, because there are always last minute 'interruptions'. Do I not feel disappointed as well? I know that I'm not a good partner to you or a good friend, I am a failure, I couldn't even get my partner and clarify her job tasks and what we need to work together, I couldn't take good care of her.
I couldn't enjoy in my holidays too. Calls, Sms-es, emails, related to the club. So what if I have CLS-phobia? I still have to face it, because it is my decision to get into high comm. There is no turning back. It is tough to do something that I don't understand, and it is even harder to tell something that I don't 100% understand to you and to others. That is why I often ask you... what makes you join the election in the first place? If you don't have the answer, take it as a path... that God has chosen for you (or a fate, perhaps it is easier to understand). He has his reasons for doing so - because he believed that we can overcome it, and He just wanted His children to be a better person by taking this bumpy road, and he brought us together.
Everytime we tell ourselves to be tough and strong, but are we really doing that? I know there is always people who mentally support me, but always the last important step, is to be taken by me. No matter how many people are supporting me, when I don't want to do it, everything ends.
You might just need a reason to go on. I need one too. I couldn't sleep well every night, I cried and I screamed. A lot of internal conflicts, a lot of thoughts. Aren't we all the same? I have a partner, but I couldn't feel her. What is the difference of doing all the thinking and working alone? Am I not lonely like you?
You get lost because you don't understand the situation. You don't know where you are and what you need. Trust me, I don't know too. A lot of critics by the seniors, a lot of mistakes, being blamed and being accused of a lot of my mistakes and inefficiency. Do you know all these? Do you know how hard I feel everyday? I wanted to share with you but I couldn't, because I didn't feel you. I'm scared of you, I don't know what to do with you. But you're here by my side, it's just that I couldn't feel you. And problems are like raindrops keep falling on me.
I tried hard to get out of this depression. Not even me, I think Jacky felt the same way too. When anything goes wrong, the blames go to him first. And he had to take up the burden of carrying us all, he doesn't even have the time to feel depressed. I don't want him to think of me as a burden. I often felt this way. I don't want to be anyone's burden.
But you know you have to get out of this depression, and I know you can.
You just need a reason to go on. When you know what you want, always remind yourself of that, because people are forgetful. If you didn't keep reminding yourself, you will get lost. Like I did, and I might still am lost. But I hope that at least I still have your hands to hold when I am lost.
Feel the strength that comes from our inner heart, dig it out to overcome our weakness. Both of us need to courage to face our problems.
Please, come back. Give me a chance to know you, let me know how you're supposed to be.
Ying, I'm glad that I came over to your blog. I have never know what to talk to you, I've tried to start up a conversation that I wanted, but I always get a feedback that doesn't meet my expectation, and I ran out of ways. I do not understand you, and I'm never good at understanding people.
It is not only you that felt this way. Masks...what are they made for? To hide themselves, it is a self-defence mechanism of everyone. Have you tried putting yourself in our shoes? Don't we feel the same from you?
I felt that you're always untrue to me. I couldn't open your heart if you didn't intend to open up to let me in. I care, but I don't know how to tell you. I'm not as strong, they are a lot of things that I don't know as well. I need someone to be there, at the same line with me, but I do not know how to make this clear to you. I tried talking to you about my problems, I did tried to start a more personal conversation with you, but...either you didnt notice, or you don't want to tell. I'm one who need interactions. If I took the first step, and I didn't see you walking one step forward, I'll give up taking another step to you. It's my nature.
------
I used to do things by myself, but since you're my partner...I really wish I could really get help from you. But I couldn't 'fang xin' everytime to let you do your part, because there are always last minute 'interruptions'. Do I not feel disappointed as well? I know that I'm not a good partner to you or a good friend, I am a failure, I couldn't even get my partner and clarify her job tasks and what we need to work together, I couldn't take good care of her.
I couldn't enjoy in my holidays too. Calls, Sms-es, emails, related to the club. So what if I have CLS-phobia? I still have to face it, because it is my decision to get into high comm. There is no turning back. It is tough to do something that I don't understand, and it is even harder to tell something that I don't 100% understand to you and to others. That is why I often ask you... what makes you join the election in the first place? If you don't have the answer, take it as a path... that God has chosen for you (or a fate, perhaps it is easier to understand). He has his reasons for doing so - because he believed that we can overcome it, and He just wanted His children to be a better person by taking this bumpy road, and he brought us together.
Everytime we tell ourselves to be tough and strong, but are we really doing that? I know there is always people who mentally support me, but always the last important step, is to be taken by me. No matter how many people are supporting me, when I don't want to do it, everything ends.
You might just need a reason to go on. I need one too. I couldn't sleep well every night, I cried and I screamed. A lot of internal conflicts, a lot of thoughts. Aren't we all the same? I have a partner, but I couldn't feel her. What is the difference of doing all the thinking and working alone? Am I not lonely like you?
You get lost because you don't understand the situation. You don't know where you are and what you need. Trust me, I don't know too. A lot of critics by the seniors, a lot of mistakes, being blamed and being accused of a lot of my mistakes and inefficiency. Do you know all these? Do you know how hard I feel everyday? I wanted to share with you but I couldn't, because I didn't feel you. I'm scared of you, I don't know what to do with you. But you're here by my side, it's just that I couldn't feel you. And problems are like raindrops keep falling on me.
I tried hard to get out of this depression. Not even me, I think Jacky felt the same way too. When anything goes wrong, the blames go to him first. And he had to take up the burden of carrying us all, he doesn't even have the time to feel depressed. I don't want him to think of me as a burden. I often felt this way. I don't want to be anyone's burden.
But you know you have to get out of this depression, and I know you can.
You just need a reason to go on. When you know what you want, always remind yourself of that, because people are forgetful. If you didn't keep reminding yourself, you will get lost. Like I did, and I might still am lost. But I hope that at least I still have your hands to hold when I am lost.
Feel the strength that comes from our inner heart, dig it out to overcome our weakness. Both of us need to courage to face our problems.
Please, come back. Give me a chance to know you, let me know how you're supposed to be.
20070115
“Procrastination” 的运作方式
窗里的世界无比可爱
我为窗里人哀乐
自己也满足欢喜
如果我置身在那
就好了
每天会有属于那天的如果
只是这些如果都是
消磨时间的方式
空想
我在窗外的闷白色房间
墙上贴着一项项待完成的事
脑里飘着一箱箱放纵自己的方式
缓缓柔柔飘着的
比板板绷绷钉着的可爱
注意
放纵自己第一条
开窗吧！
我撇开待做的事
让自己颓废一点
然后
我欢喜地盯着窗里头
我又回到我可爱动画的怀抱了
如果我有一辈子的学校假期
就好了
我为窗里人哀乐
自己也满足欢喜
如果我置身在那
就好了
每天会有属于那天的如果
只是这些如果都是
消磨时间的方式
空想
我在窗外的闷白色房间
墙上贴着一项项待完成的事
脑里飘着一箱箱放纵自己的方式
缓缓柔柔飘着的
比板板绷绷钉着的可爱
注意
放纵自己第一条
开窗吧！
我撇开待做的事
让自己颓废一点
然后
我欢喜地盯着窗里头
我又回到我可爱动画的怀抱了
如果我有一辈子的学校假期
就好了
20070103
邯郸学步
（变了么没变
没变么变了）
隐隐约约的模模糊糊的
一定比清清楚楚的
还要难受
简简单单的轻轻松松的
一定比充充实实的
来得单调
自己也搞不清状况了
在邯郸学步啊
学什么学了什么
连自己会什么
都得问啊什么了
我会走路么
我还能跑么
忘了怎走，还能学跑么
我
会走路么
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