[Deah/阿优] Positivity

Never like the idea of piling up tasks, because I never know how to complete them by focusing one at the time. Because I see all the things I have as one. Somehow this weakness of mine always reminds me of him. It is not that I'm unaware of this, but sometimes this is what differentiates me from you. This is how you made your decisions until today and this is how I walk my paths until now.

My life has once drastically switched to a messy routine since 4 years ago. During the years, perhaps I was too bloated, perhaps I wasn't aware of my own needs, perhaps Ｉ thought things will always be better if it was done alone, perhaps many perhaps, I keep losing my own battles and setting new records for my own failures.

I couldn't get out of my own trap.

Being selfless doesn't necessarily has to be neglecting own needs. Putting own needs as the first priority doesn't necessarily means being selfish. What are needs? A friend of mine reminded me that people suffer because they couldn't fulfill their needs. I have referred to this site to learn more about 'needs'.

Had once I completely lost faith to the term 'friends' or 'companions'. Perhaps the effects were still on me for quite a long time. It always ends up in disappointment when I have placed trust onto someone. But perhaps if I keep on trusting them, miracles might happen. Trust is crucial and good companions are treasures.

Thank you all my friends for staying by my side, although I'm not good in keeping close contact with people. Thank you for keeping me sane.

Of course I need to thank you for walking into my life again.

Thank God for everything that I've gone through, brought important people into my life, and never giving up on me.

[Tac/阿坦] 店外

（相关： 店里）

第二天早晨，阿优离开了小店。阿丑临时找了代班的，就跟着阿优的后头出来了。阿丑闭上又肿又痛的双眼，就好像昨晚大哭了一整夜那般。

店外没有店里的安宁。

没有风，没有太阳，没有天空，只是一个空间，类似一间空房子，没有颜色的。没有颜色的意思就是好比当我们闭上眼睛的时候，说黑色又不是黑色，说什么颜色都不对的时候，我就管他叫“没有颜色”。无色的空间里，有些东西一直在飘着，因为没有光，只能够凭感觉感受那些似乎连贯但又独立飘着的东西。

站着没有动，阿优静静的注意着有点颤抖的阿丑。让我用一些现成的文字，述说阿丑。
（文字重点摘录：孙燕姿的新专辑“逆光”里的歌词。
注：歌词顺序和句子结构经简单的修改过，并不是最原本的歌词摘录。）

1. 占总飘着东西的10%
“我怀念的是绝对炽热、感觉汹涌。谁过头太远了、自顾自地走；要走了我的心，然后忘了那就都是曾经承诺。” -我怀念的，姚若龙作词-

2. 占总飘着东西的10%
“记受伤的在账单，累积负债的失望。美好回忆始终不够还，所以梦想没有办法兑换。” -爱情的花样，廖莹如作词-

3. 占总飘着东西的10%
“脑袋逃不开，游在充满你模糊的想象里。” -需要你，伍家辉作词-

4. 占总飘着东西的10%
“我忽然非常想念你。一次次的灰心，发现早已麻痹。宁静是时候好好反省，但你的放弃，我迷失了自己；你的离去像刺青烙印在我心，如此痛、却又如此的美丽。” -安宁，林倛玉作词-

5. 占总飘着东西的60%

“我知道这就是答案了。还能怎么感受，那残余的温柔。
当盲目的黑夜清晰过白昼，当奢侈的快乐赔上了所有，当假装的理智熬不过放纵；
你的神色什么都淡了，我的神色什么都算了。
飞不进你梦中，偷一点感受；
飞不回原来我，冰冷的躯壳；
就这样漂浮着，穿梭着悲伤。
感觉掏空，灵魂不在了；失重，在飘着”

-飘着，陈镇川作词-

阿丑似乎哽咽中说了很多很多的话。哭泣的声音像幻觉一样在空间里来回飘着。

只有我看见，阿优带着那一个店里的空杯子。那一个杯子其实是阿良的，杯底，刻过“神话”两个字。阿优看了看空空的杯子，多了个标志就以为很特别了，其实只是廉价的杯子一个。没什么值得再回首了，阿丑应该是说完了，停顿了一会儿，阿优把阿丑的话都收起来。阿丑不晓得还有没有想哭的冲动。望着空的杯子，她吹了一口气，杯子渐渐溶在飘着的杂质里，从阿优手中消失，阿丑好像没有哭了。

在这里两天了，阿优隐约中在不远处看见晓奇对她的挥手，阿优便拉着阿丑无力的手离开了店外。